I’ve been so frustrated lately with everything. I don’t like it. The worst part is, I can’t really pinpoint what is making me frustrated. And that just makes me more frustrated.
I’m usually pretty good at knowing what’s going on in my head. I can explain my actions easily. But this business of not knowing really has me wondering what’s up. There’s no one big thing I can point to that’s bringing me down.
The frustrations build up and then I just snap. I have a, usually, irrational outburst at whoever is closest and talking to me. Today, it was my coworker who was not getting that he could do the simple tasks he was trying to make me do. He responded with so much condescending attitude that I just tore him a new one. I felt justified in saying it, but only because all that frustration had built it up as something more.
I can’t tell if it’s the holidays or salary or co-workers or the weather or money or house searching or something else that’s been getting to me. Odds are that it’s a bit of all that and more but it doesn’t feel like more of a load than usual. There’s so much I wish I could change now, nothing that I’m incapable of living with, but I still wish I had more control over my life. Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s the one big thing that I can point to. I control very little about my life be side I have these grand plans which dictate what I can buy, where I can go, how much money I need to save.
I don’t know, even that feels like it’s lacking something because I’ve never had the control over my life that I want. If I come up with that it is, I’ll let you know.