Long-Distance Relationship Again

Blog / Monday, May 12th, 2014

Yesterday, I helped Ellie move into her new apartment. Once again, after six months of living so close to one another, we are in a long-distance relationship.

Now, the distance doesn’t worry me because that’s how we started. Then, the distance was greater than it is now and since it was the beginning of a relationship, things were more rocky. I know she’s only an hour and fifteen minutes away from me. I can drive over any time I’m free. Also, she has a car now so she can drive over anytime she’s free. It’s a lot nicer than it was before. For that, I’m grateful.

What bothers me is that we have to go back to being long distance. It’s just the logical step for both of us. I’m not yet well enough established in my career that I can easily pick up to follow her and land a job without problem (though that would be nice). Nor should she be limited to jobs near me because I don’t want her to go away. That’s not fair to her and she might not get hired in this area doing what she wants in this area for a long time (and as of writing she hasn’t, but I doubt she’d want to stay in this area anyway).

We both wish there was a better solution.

We’re both in similar situations where we would have trouble finding jobs and neither of us is rolling in the dough so we couldn’t support ourselves for a long time. Because I know if we could, the two of us would seriously consider packing it all up and moving to Arizona just to try our luck out West. We loved it there and we agree that it would be a great place to live. It’s just too soon in our lives to be able to risk it all (though I have a handful of friends who have tried doing just that and have varied results).

I hope in the near future the two of us can be in the same place again. Her job is only temporary (four months) and her sublet is only for seven months. At that time, she can reassess where she wants to be. Maybe I’ll be less tied to a job and a paycheck and I’ll be more free to assess my situation. I think if that all happened at the same time, the stars must have aligned (or one of us decided to take that leap of faith).

I know this is not too common of a situation, but what would you do in this situation? Would you risk it all and get up and move to be together? Or would you play it safe (like I feel like I’m doing now) and wait for the right moment and the stars to align (if they ever do)? Or is there some other option I’m not seeing?

6 Replies to “Long-Distance Relationship Again”

  1. There is never a better time than now! Before you are too established. Before you are too tied down with a family. (If that is in the aligning of the stars). It’s easier to take risks when you are young!

  2. I guess I “risked it all” when my boyfriend and I decided to move to London together. Though it didn’t feel like a risk — it just felt right. And was totally worth it. We don’t know where we’ll go after this but as long as we’re together it doesn’t really matter and we’ll work it out — much better than long distance. But just over an hour isn’t too far, so I’m sure you’ll figure something out. Also, I agree with your mom.

    1. All the responses I’ve received are encouraging, but I kind of feel like I missed my own point. I wouldn’t mind following this girl to the end of the Earth, but it’s in my nature to have things set up and ready to go once I get there.

      At the time I was writing, I was actively pursuing another job much, much closer to Ellie. I was struggling with the desire to press the employer for an interview and at the same time not to offend by being too pushy. I didn’t want to get my name taken out of the pool altogether as I had already received a kind response from the hiring manager stating, essentially, “We like you, but we are interviewing less qualified people first.”

      In short, I know I wouldn’t regret the leap to follow Ellie. I just wanted to know how hard I should try to follow, because for now, the hour isn’t really much of a distance.

      1. True. Honestly, one hour hardly seems like long distance — though I’m sure it feels that way, it’s much better than different countries! Follow your gut — as you say, her job is only temporary so in four months you might be able to be closer again.

        1. Exactly. Also, as more time passes, I’m getting more of an itch to move onto a career more aligned with what I want to do ultimately. So, I’ll be more likely to make a move.

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