Red-Winged Blackbird Broke My Lunchtime

Blog / Thursday, June 12th, 2014

I have been walking at lunch for the past few months. It’s a great way to get out of the office during the day. It brightens my day even. But today, I decided not to walk, for health reasons.

I’ve also mentioned that I got attacked by a bird. A red-winged blackbird (scientific name: DEMON SPAWN) to be precise. Earlier this week, I also got chased twice by red-winged blackbirds. Once as I was leaving the work parking lot for my lunchtime walk, and once while coming back into it from the same walk. You can see the spikes in my pace at the beginning and end:


Then yesterday two cranes came to visit our office:

A majestic savior, the crane
A majestic savior, the crane

They were just chilling right outside the door, in the rain. Out of nowhere, a red-winged blackbird swooped in and started chirping at them. Then it started attacking them. I managed to get the tail end of the battle on my phone:


As I watched it, I could only think of the Red Viper from Game of Thrones, battling the Mountain. He kept swooping around, shouting, “You raped her. You murdered her. You killed her children.” Over and over he chanted. However, this time I wasn’t rooting for the Red Viper to get his vengeance, I wanted the Mountain to squeeze the innards out of the red-winged blackbird. It’s what he deserved.

It didn’t happen, unfortunately. It was yet another time the visual deviated from the book. I was disappointed.

Anyway, today I left for my lunch as usual but I was more cautious than I usually am. I’m paranoid. The birds seem to be stalking me. When I saw the red-winged blackbird up in the tree near the exit of the parking lot, I stopped and turned around. I didn’t feel like running today, I told myself. Not on my lunch hour.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to protect myself from the aviary dicks, please let me know. But for now, I’ll keep hoping I get my chance to play the mountain and squeeze the life out of the bird.

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