I was on Google+, exploring the popular posts, and I came across one promoting a new feature in Google Docs. It’s the Docs Demo: Master’s Edition. You write and famous writers come in and edit it in their own voice. It’s silly but fun to play with. Here’s what I came up with (with the help of Shakespeare, Dickens, Poe, Dickinson, and Nietzsche).

It was the best of times, it was… ” lunchtime” said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper. The time of diurnal course where a sandwich is more than what happens to you on the subway. A time when we of a certain disposition celebrate bread for fluffiness against the hard, yet soft, nature of a sharp cheddar.  Salami, pastrami, bologna, turkey as well as ham, thou art more lovely than jam. Vegetables? Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual. Generously bring them on and pile yourselves high upon the masterpiece. However, in choosing the sauce, to end all sauces, we must think carefully. Is mayonnaise a safe, yet sure, bet? But we must not absolutely limit ourselves to its uniform taste and color. “We must mix and match–to create our own sauce”, he growled incoherently. A sauce that will zealously be mightier than the previous day’s sauce. It wilt be a mixture of mayonnaise, mustard (honey, of course), and ketchup. Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him. I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat.

It get’s weird. I may or may not have been hungry while writing this. Protip: I was hungry.