“That was ‘Take a Chance on Me’ by ABBA. We’ll be back with Tiger James and Mack in the Morning after these words from our sponsor. When was the last time you had the shingles on your roof replaced?”
Richard reached over from the bed and slammed his hand down on the alarm clock. He knew if he hit the snooze button he’d have to listen to the morning talk again, so he made sure to turn the alarm off. Richard hated the morning talk shows, but he also learned that he needs it. The sound that the alarm made, BeBeBeep BeBeBeep, caused him to cringe to the point he would have panic attacks upon waking up. Richard had to set the alarm to the radio to avoid this and that meant talk radio because that was all that was on any station in the morning.
Richard groaned as he heaved his feet over the side of the bed and onto the cold floor. Laura had gotten up fifteen minutes ago, Richard knew because her alarm was set to beep. He could hear her in the shower.
As he got up out of bed, Richard noticed that he was rocking the morning wood. He found this odd because Laura had wanted sex from him almost every day lately. They had sex before going to bed the night before. She wanted a child. Richard wanted one too, but Laura needed one. He wasn’t quite sure why either. Maybe she was getting tired of it being only the two of them in a two bedroom house. Maybe she wanted to take a break from her job at the diner, to raise a child of course. Maybe it was the maternal clock going off like it does for many women nearing their thirties. Whatever the reason, they had been having sex nearly every day for the past two weeks. She had tried to make it more interesting for them by dressing up, Richard wasn’t sure if it helped. Laura had to work a double shift tonight so Richard would finally have a night off.
Looking back to the business between his legs, Richard knew Laura would want him to wait until she got out of the shower to take care of the issue; she didn’t have to work until the afternoon so she would have plenty of time to shower again. Richard, however, had been late to the law firm a few times already this week. If it happened again, it would only hurt his chances of making partner like his boss had been talking about. Richard decided to tug it out to avoid risking the career advancement.
Richard is not a good looking guy. He never had been. There definitely was some weight on his body and a fair portion of that was covered with an extra helping of short curly hair. The hair on top of his head, fortunately, had not begun to thin or turn gray. That hair, thought Richard, was all he had going for himself. In middle school, Richard didn’t ever have a girlfriend, so he had learned how to do the solo dance with great efficiency.
Richard’s life had moved beyond porn. He didn’t keep any in the house nor did he watch it online. Years ago he had seen more than his fair share and it made him numb to it. For a while at the beginning of his relationship and again with his engagement to Laura he would use an image of her to get the job done. But once he actually married the woman, this rarely worked for him. He had taken to sitting on the edge of the bed and staring into the wall.
Richard grabbed the nearest piece of clothing; he needed something to wrap himself in so he didn’t make a mess in the room. One time he chose to do it freestyle and he learned never to do it again; shooting at random made it almost inevitable that you would never be able to clean all of it up.
It only took Richard a couple of minutes to finish the deed. By that time Laura had turned off the shower. As he tossed the shirt aside, Laura came into the room wearing only a towel.
“Morning,” she said starting to put on her under garments.
“Morning,” replied Richard.
“Have you seen a blue shirt? I placed it on the bed before my shower.”
Richard looked at the shirt that he had just thrown on the floor, it was blue. “I, um, I’m sorry,” said Richard still looking at the shirt.
Laura grabbed it and instantly put together what had happened. “Oh Richard, what the fuck?”
“Look, I’m sorry. I just needed something and it was close,” said Richard as he scurried out of the room and into the bathroom to shower.
. . .
“Could you pour me a cup of coffee?” asked Richard as he walked into the kitchen tying his tie.
Laura looked up and glared at him. She had found another shirt, a red tank top. It was too tight for her; she always bought a size too small. Richard looked at her and saw each roll under the stressed fabric. Her frizzy hair was fighting with the curlers in an attempt not to be tamed. Without makeup, Richard did not think he could have found a plainer looking woman.
“Look honey, I didn’t know that was the shirt you were going to wear today.”
“Oh Richard, it’s not that. Well, that’s part of it, but why couldn’t you wait for me? I’m ovulating right now and we need every chance that we can get.”
Richard understood now. She wasn’t mad about him jacking off into her shirt because it was her shirt, she was mad because he didn’t jack off into her. He knew she wanted this kid, but it seemed to be all she talked about lately. “I talked to Mike at work yesterday. He and Sarah want to have dinner with us again.”
“Richard, you know how I feel about Mike. The guy gives me the creeps ever since he said that to me.”
He knew what she was talking about. The last time they were over Richard was in the kitchen getting dessert and Sarah was in the bathroom. Laura and Mike were alone in the dining room. As Laura tells it, Mike leaned in close and said, “Richard tells me you’re trying to have a kid. If you ever get bored with that old man, I’d more than happy to help out.” Richard didn’t want to discredit his own wife but it didn’t sound like the Mike he knew at work. It wasn’t worth getting into an argument over, no matter how much he would like to have dinner with Mike and Sarah, mostly because Sarah was a sight worth seeing.
“I’ll make up some excuse if he asks again, don’t worry,” he said, finishing his coffee and grabbing a slice of toast that had just popped up from the toaster. “I’m going to be late for work. Do you have to work late tonight?”
“Yeah, I have a double.”
“Alright, I might be up when you get home.”
. . .
Later that evening, Richard sat at home by himself. It had been a long day at the office and he wanted nothing more than to have a beer, watch the ball game and go to bed early.
It was during the bottom of the sixth when he heard the door open. It had to have been Laura because he had locked the door before he sat down and no one else had a key.
“I thought you had to work until close tonight,” he said as Laura entered the room without turning his eyes from the game.
“I did, but I got Nancy to cover my second half so I could come home and be with you. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well you certainly did,” still not looking up from the game.
Laura walked over to Richard and climbed onto his lap. “I was thinking of all the dirty things I want you to do to me as I walked home.”
“Oh really,” turning his attention from the game. “Like what?”
She leaned into his ear and whispered in a throaty voice, “I want you to fuck me in the ass.”
Richard knew she didn’t actually mean this because she knew he thought anal sex was absolutely revolting, so he couldn’t understand why she thought it would turn him on. Nevertheless, he answered her and pretended for the sake of preserving the mood.
“Well then, let’s get to the bedroom,” he hurriedly said with slightly forced enthusiasm.
“Why not here? Right on this chair, wouldn’t that do?”
Richard knew if they were to make love on the chair his full attention wouldn’t be on Laura because the game would be on right behind her and that could lead to a fight. “No, I think we could have more room to mess around with in the bedroom.”
“Alright, meet me in the bedroom when this inning is over.”
After the inning was over, that was why he married this woman.
. . .
As he stood in the doorway Laura was across the room unnecessarily bent over dusting the alarm clocks on the nightstand with a feather duster. She was dressed in the French maid costume she had purchased a few weeks back. The lights were all off except one floor lamp in the corner. The curtains were drawn shut so the glow of the late summer night could not come through.
Richard thought the outfit looked overly cliche. The skirt was short, barely covering her ass, and it had an excess of ruffles with white lace at the bottom. She wore white fishnet stockings which came up to the middle of her thigh. When he entered she stopped dusting and turned to face him; he saw the white apron she wore and thought it would be better suited as a child’s bib. In her dark curly hair was the white headband thing that served no purpose that he knew of other than to look ridiculous. The top for the costume was obviously meant for a woman far bustier than Laura. It attempted to show her cleavage but instead it swallowed up her chest. In fact, the whole costume seemed to be the wrong size. Laura was a slightly plump woman with the wrong sized chest for her body. Everything about the costume seemed too small for her build, everything except the chest. But who was Richard to judge? He had married her and he certainly was no looker.
“Oh, I did not know you were there, sir. I will be done cleaning in a minute,” she said with a high-pitched mock French accent.
“Take your time, miss,” instantly jumping into his role despite not understanding role-play. Richard felt less comfortable trying to be someone else and having sex than just being himself while having sex. Too much thinking was involved and it distracted him from what he was doing.
“Do you have any requests, sir?” She said, walking over to him and brushing his chest with the feather duster. “Is there anything you would like me to clean,” moving the duster down to his crotch.
“Actually yes. I noticed the other day that the blinds are really dusty. Do you think you could get those for me?” he replied with a smirk.
Laura smacked him hard on the arm with her free hand. “You’re an ass. At least try to play along.”
“Sorry. I…um…think I can think of something.” Richard took her hand and moved it to his crotch. She threw the feather duster aside and immediately she started grabbing and squeezing his entire package. However, she must not have known how hard she was squeezing and he winced.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, just not so tight next time.”
Maybe she thought it would make her work easier or maybe she was trying to move the process along quickly, but she unzipped Richard’s jeans and pulled them down to his ankles. He leaned back onto the doorframe as Laura dropped to her knees and massaged his balls through his white briefs.
After a moment Laura got up saying, “Hang on.” She went over to the bed and grabbed a pillow and placed it on the floor where she was kneeling. “My knees hurt when I kneel on the hard wood floor.”
“We could move to the bed.”
“No, I’m fine now but we should consider getting some carpeting in here.”
As Laura resumed her fondling of his balls, Richard was at a loss as to what to do. Usually he’d be lying on his back for Laura to do something like this; all he would do then would to lie there or to maybe put a hand on the back of Laura’s head. But standing up he felt like he should be doing something while she worked. He would have to bend at an uncomfortable angle to play with her breasts because she was hunched over licking and kissing the insides of his legs. He obviously couldn’t kiss her. He felt like an ass when he just stood back and put his hands behind his head, so he couldn’t do that. Eventually he decided to massage Laura’s head.
Laura looked up, “Um, what are you doing?”
“I’m massaging your head. Did you want me to stop?”
“No, it’s…um…fine. I like it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Keep doing it, it makes me so turned on.”
She went back to her work around his crotch. While Richard recommenced the head massage, Laura pulled the waistband of his briefs and reached in and grabbed his penis.
“Oh, Richard, your cock is so big,” she said resuming her French voice. “I want to suck on it.”
Richard could never stand that word. Cock. It didn’t sound right. It was harsh and sounded dirtier than it needed to sound. At the same time he thought it sounded silly. It seemed as though it was a word invented solely for use in porn. Somehow porn stars made it work, but normal people having normal sex and saying it could not.
He tried to think of a different word. Something else that could be used in its place and not sound so misplaced.
Weiner was too childish and penis was too general because it can be used in any circumstance. To Richard, wang made it sound like a ridiculous weapon used by nerds in a video game. Schlong reminded him of awful cartoons from the 90s. Shaft, rod and pole were technically accurate descriptions of it but he always started thinking about cars when these words were used. Whenever he thought of it as a pecker during sex, it made him make short, quick strokes in whatever he was doing and this made him think he was a little dog humping a leg. Johnson would never be acceptable because his mother’s last name was Johnson. That left him with dick and he wasn’t sure if that was the best for sex but it was the name that agreed with him the most.
By now, Laura had been licking his dick in long, slow strokes and flicking the tip with her tongue for a few minutes and she finally decided to put it into her mouth. Richard could tell she was trying hard to make it enjoyable, but something about how she sucked made him think she didn’t like sucking so much.
And her hands. Her hands seemed to be an afterthought. One of them was firmly gripping his right thigh while the other one sporadically rolled his balls between her fingers. It was not a comfortable feeling, and sometimes it hurt but he couldn’t complain because he might kill the mood and turn the whole thing into a fight.
After only a few minutes of sucking Laura looked up with her large brown eyes which were caked with dark mascara and eye shadow and said, “My pussy is so wet and dirty, Richard. Will you clean it up for me?”
Richard didn’t say anything but instead he bent down and scooped her up so he could carry her over to the bed. He managed to lift her with surprising ease but he forgot that his pants and his briefs were still around his ankles. For a moment he tried to kick them off but with Laura in his arms it proved to be difficult. Instead he shuffled his feet to carry his wife to the bed where he threw her down almost too forcibly.
“Oh Richard, eat my pussy,” she cooed, completely dropping the French role.
Again with the word ‘pussy’. Richard felt the same way about this word as he did about the word ‘cock’. It just didn’t fit into real, everyday life. Again he tried to think of a favorable alternative. He came up with vagina, vag, vagoo, cunt, holiest-of-holes, the pink taco, cooter and hump-hole. Two of these he thought to be silly words, one was just plain unacceptable, three he understood why they could be used but couldn’t bring himself to use them and the last two he could for no opinions about whatsoever. Pussy would have to do.
“Oh baby, I can’t wait to eat you out.”
Here came a predicament for Richard. He never knew if he should pull what little clothing that was there aside and use it as a napkin for his meal or if he should pull it all off for ease of access. He chose the latter to simplify his later actions.
With the garments slipped down and fully removed, Richard threw them to a corner of the room and he surveyed his task. The first thing he saw when he lifted the apron was the recently acquired tan lines. Laura had spent the previous weekend at the friend Maria’s beach house lying on the sand. Her tan was dark on her exposed areas, but white everywhere else.
She was, as she stated, wet. Around her pussy there was an area that was smeared with liquid. Some of it had seeped into her pubic hair and had matted it down.
Richard smirked a little to himself when he saw the pubic hair and thought about the argument they had over it. Currently the hair showed about two weeks of growth. Richard didn’t like the look of it and it tickled his nose when he ate his wife out. Laura said that it made sex more comfortable because then there wasn’t flesh rubbing on flesh. Laura should have won the argument, but somehow Richard had convinced her to trim it on the first of the month as a compromise.
“What are you waiting for Richard? Just go for it.”
“Sorry,” he realized that he must have been staring and thinking too long for her. By the tone in her voice Richard suspected that she didn’t enjoy the massage as much as she said she did and she was looking for some pleasure to be returned.
As he moved closer in order to pleasure his wife, Richard started to notice the smell emitting from her. The first time he smelled it, he was repulsed. To him, it wasn’t a pleasant smell. It wasn’t inviting, it didn’t tell him to stay a while. The smell was more of a warning, like the color of a ladybug, which said if you eat me you won’t like the taste. And at first, he didn’t like the taste or the smell, but it grew on him. He always joked that it was an acquired taste with subtleties that come out by savoring, much like a fine cheese.
Early on in his sexual life, Richard learned that teeth were bad no matter where or how they were used. Hickies left a visible mark that his parents reprimanded him for and anything else was far too much pain for the overly sensitive areas involved. Some people enjoyed the pain, Richard couldn’t understand why. Instead Richard licked. Richard sucked. He slurped and he flicked, but he certainly didn’t use teeth.
While Richard slurped and licked, Laura moaned and squirmed. He believed that she was enjoying herself; or she had long mastered the art of faking it. Richard didn’t care. He took it at face value and it made him feel better about what he was doing and thus did it with more enjoyment.
And then Richard stopped. It wasn’t because he was done; no, he was quite far from it. It wasn’t Laura pushing him away either. Something soft had brushed across his face and a soft meow made him look up. He was staring into the eyes of their cat, Lois.
Lois had a habit of making herself present at any event within her domain. If she could nap on it, it was her domain. Usually Richard or Laura would make sure to close the door to the bedroom or lock Lois in another room while they made love because she always had untimely arrivals.
“What is it? Why did you stop?” asked Laura who clearly did not hear the cat’s meow.
“It’s Lois, I’ll be right back. I’m going to lock her in the bathroom,” replied Richard.
The bathroom was just outside of the bedroom door and that was where he took Lois, but not before removing his jeans and his briefs completely. Dressed only in an old Budweiser t-shirt and socks, he tossed the tabby into the bathroom. Just before shutting the door he caught a glimpse of scorn on Lois’ face as she turned to look at Richard.
“Now where was I?” asked Richard, resuming his position by the bed.
“We have to stop letting that cat interrupt. It really kills the mood when you have to stop what you’re doing to lock her up.”
“Why don’t we just get rid of her?”
“Richard, no. You know I love that cat, she was an engagement gift to us from my cousin.”
“Oh don’t worry, I was only kidding.” And he was only kidding. He hated that cat at first. She woke him before his alarm went off because she was hungry. She sat on his books when he tried to read and she stood in front of the computer screen when he tried to work. But then he realized that she genuinely loved him and that was why she did it.
Richard resumed his work. Licking and slurping and sucking were fun for Richard but they still became a boring. It was repetitive because there was only so much he could think to do with his mouth. Once he found himself becoming bored, he threw fingers into the mix.
If anyone was ever were to bring up a conversation about how easy it might be to orally pleasure a woman, Richard would have stepped in right away to argue the contrary. This isn’t to say that Richard couldn’t pleasure his wife; it is to say that he has a hard time coordinating the pleasuring of his wife. The problem was that he had ten fingers and a mouth and he needed to control all of them at once with precise movements in a confined space. This is not an easy task, not for Richard, but he manages.
Richard always has a difficult time figuring out how many fingers to use. A lot of it depends on what Laura is comfortable with, and that changes daily. Recently, he found it to be best if he started with one and worked his way up. Once he noticed his wife shifting uncomfortably he knew to take the last one out. Tonight the number was three, one more than what he had been using lately. He worked all three, along with the tongue, until his wrist became tired.
Richard slid all the way onto the bed, climbing his way up his wife’s body. Kissing her body at intervals. Finally making it to her face, at which the two of them embraced far more passionately than in the doorway.
Richard had always wondered how women felt about being kissed by a man who just came up from down under. He never had the courage to ask because if one of the girls he had been with had said she didn’t like it; he would have went the rest of his life not kissing after an intimate meal. Personally he didn’t mind a kiss after a mouth had been around his dick, but as far as he knew; his dick did not have a taste.
“Oh Richard, that was amazing,” said Laura. She started to remove her top by unzipping the back but was stopped by Richard.
“Allow me,” he said and reached beneath her to find the zipper. Having found it he pulled, but it didn’t move. So he tugged harder, and even harder a third time.
“What is it?”
“The zipper is stuck on something. Roll over.”
Laura rolled over to her stomach and Richard leaned in closer to assess the problem in the dim light. The zipper had caught on the fabric of the costume. He jiggled it up and down for a few moments until it came loose of the snag and he was able to undo the whole thing.
Laura rolled back over and pulled off the top. Richard noticed that her breasts had white triangles on them from her weekend of sunbathing.
Richard had never thought that Laura’s breasts were something to brag about, though he never told her that for obvious reasons. They weren’t as large as he would have liked, but he was grateful that they weren’t any smaller.
Richard and Laura had resumed kissing and he had moved his hands to play with her newly freed breasts.
Breasts and nipples were always a handicap for Richard. He could never figure out why he did the things that he did with them. How could squeezing and twisting or sucking on them be pleasurable for a woman? He is sure that it wouldn’t do anything for him. Are men and women so different? But since Laura had never told him not to do what he does and she seemed to enjoy it, he continued to squeeze and pinch and twist.
“Oh Richard, it feels so good, I want you inside of me.”
Finally, the moment he had been waiting for since the moment that Laura had stopped pleasuring him.
“How do you want it?”
“Like this,” she replied, rolling on to her side and pulling her knees halfway to her chest. “Nancy was telling me that this feels amazing.”
“Hang on; does Nancy know why she covered your shift tonight?”
“Yeah, well, not exactly. I kinda hinted at it and then we got to talking about positions. What does it matter?”
What does it matter!? I won’t be able to look Nancy in the eye for a while. And I will feel as though I owe her one.”
“But you won’t, I will. Plus, I’m the one that sees her more often. And I never said for certain what we’re doing.”
“Well I still don’t like it.”
“Just forget about it and fuck me.”
Yet another word that Richard didn’t like in the bedroom. Fuck. He always thought the sex was to be rough if he wanted to call it fucking; like those involved were on a mission to destroy each other. But what were his alternatives? Humping? No, it made him think if the little dog on the leg again. Banging? Again, too rough sounding. Lovemaking? It only applies in a small number of cases where the passion exceeds the primal desire. What Richard and Laura are doing is making a baby. Baby making? But then she would have said, ‘Just forget about it and make me a baby.’ That doesn’t sound right either. Fucking would have to do.
It was at this point when Richard was truly glad that he was married and is trying to have a child. He didn’t have to wear a condom. This also meant he didn’t have to buy them which might have been the biggest relief of all. He never felt comfortable buying a condom for some reason. It was an advertisement that he was having sex that he didn’t want. Laura had offered to buy them once but he declined; he felt it was his duty because it was something he was in charge of.
With Laura on her side, Richard straddled her legs and moved into position. He tried to enter, but with her legs in their current position there just was not enough space to work with.
“Could you lift your legs for a second?”
“Not if you don’t want me kicking you in the balls.”
“Well I can’t get in like this.”
“So get off of my legs.”
“Fine, but this is the most comfortable spot for me to be. What should we do?”
“I could put my leg up on your shoulder. Would that work?”
“Yeah, let’s try that.”
After a minute of attempted thrusting, Richard had to stop.
“This is no good. I can barely move in this position. Do you mind rolling onto your back and we do it old school?”
“Sure, whatever.”
With Laura on her back Richard was able to do his job with greater ease. However, he now had to make the choice of holding himself over her using his arms or to just lie flat on her while he thrust. He always felt as though he was squashing her when he lied on top of her but his arms became tired fast when he held himself up. Since the last time he lied flat, tonight he chose to hold himself up. He had to work fast so he was done before his arms gave out.
The thrusting only lasted a couple of minutes before Laura said, “Stop for a minute and get the lube, it’s starting to hurt.”
So Richard leaned forward and retrieved the lube out of the drawer of the nightstand. Kneeling upright, he squirted the lube but missed and hit the comforter and her leg instead. On the second try he hit his target. He closed the lube and tossed it aside to resume thrusting with far greater ease.
Richard looked down at Laura. Her eyes were closed and her eyebrows were raised. Her hands gripped the comforter on either side of her body. She seemed to be enjoying herself.
The knowledge that Laura was enjoying herself triggered something for Richard. It wasn’t long before he was making his final thrusts into his wife.
. . .
Richard rolled over onto his back. He could still feel the warmth of Laura next to him. He could feel her breathing shake the bed. It was a deep, heavy breathing that sent waves throughout the mattress.
If Richard had to guess, tonight was the night that they conceived a child. He couldn’t place a finger on it, but something about it seemed right. Maybe it was the spontaneity or maybe it was the look on Laura’s face towards the end. Richard wondered if there was a face or a feeling that went along with the actual conception of a child. Richard hoped that he had seen it tonight. Even if he hadn’t, he’d remember it. Thoughts already had passed through his mind, thoughts of telling his future children about this moment. Now that would be something they would want to hear, how their mother looked immediately after their father’s climax. Maybe he would save it for a day when he didn’t want his kids bothering him, or their graduation.
Richard’s back was sweaty; he could feel the dampness of his t-shirt. His forehead had beads of sweat on them which he attempted to wipe away with the sleeve of his shirt but because of the way he was laying, the sleeve wouldn’t reach his forehead. His whole body felt disgusting. This must be why they called it the ‘dirty deed’. To Richard, the feeling that came after, the need for cleanliness almost made it not worth it to have partaken in the first place.
But what was there that he could do? Richard did not feel comfortable remaining in this bed that was now covered in bodily fluids. There is a reason that people wear clothes; they want to hide these things from the world, to contain them. Richard knew how Laura would have responded if he did what he wanted to do. If Richard had gotten up to wash himself off right away, it would have started a fight between the two of them. It had happened before, early on in their relationship. She just wanted to be near him after they finished. They didn’t have to cuddle or anything, but he knew getting up would have been bad. It would have been even worse had he gotten up to wash.
Laura would say something along the lines of, “You don’t love me, and you can’t even stand to have me on you. Can you?”
Richard had a hard time answering this the first few times it happened, before he realized to avoid the situation altogether. The first time Laura asked he responded, “No, it’s not just with you it’s with every girl.” This was a big mistake. Laura took it as a yes.
Richard hadn’t noticed until now, but Laura’s heavy breathing had stopped. She was no longer lying naked on her back. She was sitting with her back resting on the headboard next to Richard. He brought himself to sit next to her as she leaned over to the nightstand that she had been previously dusting to pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
“I don’t know why you have to smoke. You know it’s bad for you and you know I don’t like it.”
“It relaxes me,” said Laura putting the lighter to the end of the cigarette. “Plus, you know that I have tried to quit. It isn’t as easy as it looks.”
“Well you’re going to have to quit once you have this baby. I’m not letting you smoke with a child in you. Have you seen the problems that these kids have?”
“Yeah, I know Richard. But we’ll have to worry about that when the time comes.”
Richard didn’t want to be around for her cigarette. It was bad enough that the smell of it would linger in the bedroom and he couldn’t stand the smell of them; it gave him headaches. The worst part of it was that she smoked menthols. Whenever he kissed her after she smoked it tasted ten times worse than had she smoked regulars.
He needed a drink. Had it been another day he would have gotten up and poured himself something strong with alcohol, but not tonight. Tonight he was in a good mood. Nothing had been particularly better about today than yesterday and he was positive that tomorrow will be just as ordinary because he would be spending the day cleaning out the shed in the backyard. It certainly wasn’t because he just had sex either; he had been having sex all the time lately. No, there was something about today that made him want only an ice cold glass of milk.
“I’m getting a drink, d’you want anything?”
“Do we have any beers?” asked Laura, taking a deep drag from her cigarette.
“I don’t think so, but I’ll check. It there isn’t any, do you want something else?”
“Juice.”
Richard got out of the bed and stood there for a moment. He was still only in his t-shirt and socks. Should he put on more clothing to walk to the kitchen or should he take it all off and have a moment of freedom? No, he couldn’t do that. Laura would look at him and wonder what the hell he was doing. She didn’t understand the small thrill he got out of walking through the house naked. It would have been different for her had he not been wearing anything already; but to take off his shirt and socks just to get some drinks was odd. Plus, Richard couldn’t remember if he had closed the drapes in the living room before he sat down to watch the game and he had to walk through to get to the kitchen. What if his neighbors happened to look in and see his naked body strolling to the kitchen? What if they made eye contact? What would he do? Look away quickly? Wave? He decided not to risk it and to throw on a pair of shorts that were lying next to the bed.
“Why’d you put on shorts?” asked Laura.
Richard didn’t answer her. Of course he had done the wrong thing.
On his way through the living room, Richard stopped by the television to catch the score of the game. His team had won the game in extra innings. This was big for Richard, that put them into first place in the division. For the past few weeks they had been catching up with the division leader and had been trying to pass them in standings for the past week. There were only a few weeks left in the season so moving ahead now was crucial. Now all they had to do was stay ahead until the end of the season and they were in the best place to win it all in the World Series.
Richard continued to the kitchen to get the drinks. In the fridge he grabbed the gallon of whole milk. Richard drank whole milk. He always had. It tasted better than any other kind in his opinion. It even beat out chocolate milk. Laura, on the other hand drank skim milk. Well, Laura bought skim milk for herself. Seldom did she ever drink it. She always commented on how fattening Richard’s whole milk was and that’s why she drank skim. Richard just thought that skim milk was cloudy water in a gallon jug.
There were no beers in the fridge. There were, however, two sitting on the counter. Should he bring Laura a warm beer? She had asked for a beer, but who in their right mind would want to drink one if it was warm? Not Richard for one. Richard could hear Laura’s voice and what she would say if he brought her a warm beer, “You’re kidding right? There were no cold beers you could bring me? Did you honestly think that I would want to drink this warm?”
He could have offered to go and get her something else, something cold but he was sure she would have told him not to bother, crossed her arms and stared off at the wall away from him. He better play it safe with the juice.
Richard brought the drinks back to the bedroom as Laura was snuffing out her cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. He handed Laura her juice, cranberry, and joined her in bed. They drank in silence.
“I want a girl,” Richard said after a while.
“What’s that?”
“I want you to have a girl. She’ll be just like you and I will get to spoil her, just like I spoil you.”
“When have you ever spoiled me?” asked Laura; half serious, half playful.
“I try my damnedest to spoil you,” responded Richard, not picking up on the playful part of it. “What more do you want? I’ve given you a house in a nice neighborhood. I try my hardest to treat you decently. I work my ass off so you don’t have to work if you don’t want to.”
“That’s not how I meant it Richard. Just forget it.”
Richard tried to forget it, but he got the feeling that she wasn’t happy with what he had done for her. He had tried his hardest to give her a life she would enjoy.
Again, the two of them sat in silence sipping away at their drinks.
“I want a boy, so he can grow up to be like you and find a woman and treat her right.”
. . .
A few weeks later, Laura told Richard that she was late. They both rushed to the store to buy home pregnancy tests. They grabbed three different brands off of the shelf; the iBaby, the Pregnator, and the Stork Lasso.
All three of them tested positive.
Richard and Laura had had sex a few times between that night and the confirmation of pregnancy but Richard was convince that that night was the night that the deed was done.